Vice Premier of Bronx Fetes Uncle Hugo

Fordham Road, The Bronx — Venezuela and the Bronx. Brothers in arms.Today, the recently elected Vice Premier of the Peoples Republic of the Bronx declared Hugo Chavez Day on February 15, 2008, which is expected to be the coldest day of the winter season in the fledgling republic. To celebrate the tethering of Venezuela with its semi-autonomous New York borough, Venezuelan officials took out a full page ad yesterday in The New York Times (left).

“Uncle Hugo has bestowed upon our brethen the divine love of the martyrs through this benevolent gift that heats our hearts as well as our homes,” said Sub Commadante Ferdinand Pacheco from his headquarters in the shadow of Yanqui Stadium. In Tampa Bay, Bobby Abreau, otherwise known as the Venezuelan Viper, was one for four as the Yanquis crushed the Devil Rays on their way to clinching a playoff berth for the 13th consecutive season. ”Yes, Hugo will be here for the celebration. And he has promised to kiss a black baby and wear his red shirt!”

For the first time in years, residents of Spofford Hills, a housing cooperative in the South Bronx, won’t feel the winter chill inside their building. “This year, there is heat. In years past, forget about it. This building was frozen!” said Celia Martinez, a 74-year-old grandmother who lives in the housing cooperative. Martinez’s good fortune is a gift from Hugo Chavez, Venezuela’s leftist president. See story in the INDYPENDENT, a free paper for free people

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