Paris is cold and we all shiver. She’s out.

Paris HiltonThe reports, mostly from news-driven gossip celeb central, were intially grim. Paris was complaining that she was freezing cold, the lights were always on, she had no pillow, the loudspeaker was blaring ”You have one minute left,” when she was on the phone. She was crying and she couldn’t sleep. She spent two hours with her shrink. Paris was freaked because the whole experience was so much like, you know, prison!

So after serving three days on her 23 day sentence Paris was sprung from jail to serve the full 45-day sentence with an electronic ankle bracelet at home. The LA County Sheriff referred to a “medical condition” for the release, although TMZ says it is more mental than physical.

Not everyboy is happy about this. “On any given day, a thousand female inmates are in custody. Why is one case, out of the blue, treated any different than them?” asks the president of the Association of Los Angeles Deputy Sheriffs.

Up front let’s address the big question: Was Paris cavity searched? The New York Post said no, Paris was spared that indignity, and then TMZ countered that she was indeed required to “bend over and cough.” This set the stage for Paris’ further incarceration and humiliation which she seemed completely unprepared for. Has she not even seen a prison movie? Reports say that Paris was reading a book. We bet it was “The Secret.”

This development could hurt her post-prison marketability. Publishing estimates for the Paris prison diaries ranged north of $500,000. Now that she’s serving at home, who knows. What’s she going to write about? Watching television? We need a catharsis here.

At the MTV Awards red carpet, hours before she turned herself in, Paris was stalwart and absolute. She was going to do her time and be a role model for the young people out there. Her mouth was moving but the words of Elliott Mintz, her reinstated flack, were coming out. Then the reality of 23 days of hard time set in.

I know that Nelson Mandela did 28 years in prison but he couldn’t have suffered more or been treated more unfairly.  The prisoners, sensing the great injustice, were yelling “Paris, Paris, Paris,” and supposedly dropping by to lend support to the fragile heiress in solitary confinement. Imagine trying to force Paris to live with herself for 23 days! The injustice.

When Paris pulls together I see a video here. Sort of a MTV updated Jailhouse Rock sort of thing. Paris finally breaking the chains that held her, a symbol of our own quest for freedom. She will emerge stronger and she will want to save the world. She will be an Oprah-worthy comeback story. She will adopt kids from a third world country until she mates with a stud who can spawn children beautiful enough to be on the cover of People. She is suffering for us. It must have been soooo cold in prison.


  1. Darcy says:

    I have to admit that despite my dislike of celebrity role models for drinking and drugging, I did feel sorry for Paris in jail. Now that she is so easily sprung, I can go back to disliking her again! I once spent a night in a jail because I worked there. A storm prevented me from driving home from work. They don’t want inmates to hang themselves, so the blankets are the size of hankies. I do know people for whom jail time is the inspiration to consider one’s drinking and drugging; we’ll see if Paris truly considered the dangers of driving 75 mph in a 35 zone with the lights out while intoxicated.

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